I am so pleased to be included in this wonderful video created by Erica.

This week is bittersweet for me...SouLodge is just winding down and I feel like I have felt more peace and serenity in my daily life this past five weeks than I've felt before.  And I've had the privilege of meeting many amazing women.  A couple of projects left to tackle, just waiting for the blossooms to bloom here (it may take awhile as we had snow two days ago) and waiting for the right materials to show up.  Through this time, through the quiet and the thought-filled questions, I've come to understand myself more deeply, to accept those things I cannot change, and to walk a little more lightly.  To let go even when I feel the need to tighten my grasp, especially then.  To be kind.  I was raised in a home that taught the necessity of self-control, which was a struggle for a person brimming with feeling.  So I would hold it all in until I cracked, and it wasn't pretty.  But I am learning that self-control is about times of quiet to hear what is in your soul and times of sharing your voice...about trusting that little voice inside you to guide you.  And though it is something that is spoken of so much, almost to the point of being unheard, I am learning to begin and end my days in gratitude.  I awake and thank God for the rain or the snow or the sunshine outside my window, for my cozy bed, for another new day.  Each night before I sleep, I thank Him for surprises, for my family, for the day, and for rest.

When I was growing up I was the little shy blonde with glasses.  The nerdy little girl who doodled and read and sat quietly, not wanting to draw attention.  I grew up fighting against that perception, becoming vocal and a little (well, maybe a little more than a little) bossy at times.  Now I'm finding that in-between.  Learning to speak up when I need to and to be quiet when I really don't.  To allow others to speak for themselves.  To honour the feminine and masculine parts of myself.  I struggled with the need to be 'strong' and through physical challenges this past year I have had to let that go, to understand that strength isn't only physical but comes in the allowing of everything to just 'be'.  I now know that I don't need to fix everything, to make sure everyone else is happy, that my own happiness must come first.  And that this is not selfish.  Out of my peace comes better mothering and better community.  This past week has been extremely busy for me and, yet, this is the first time that I didn't crack after a week like this...no tears, no frustration.  Just allowing.  And all is well.  As it always is.

And I have these physical reminders to be grounded within myself.  To remind me when I feel like I HAVE to do something, that I really don't.  That these are the times I probably need to be still the most.  These gifts in the objects that have been created through SouLodge.  I am absolutely grateful.  Thank you Pixie for being such a wonderful guide through such an amazing process.  And thank you SouLodge sisters for this opportunity to be fully myself.

It's difficult to believe that two days ago we had snow (yes, snow) and now it is absolutely gorgeous out which is a good thing because today I'm relying on my bike as my lovely beau accidentally took my car keys this morning (and, yes, this has happened before).  Over the last while I've been intrigued by interesting questions during conversations so I though I'd share today...

What is your current obsession?
Hmmmm....I am a bit obsessive/compulsive but right now I'd have to say the biggest is tons and tons of fiction.  I've been staying up way too late and getting up way too early to read.

What is your weirdest obsession?
Again, I have a number of them, but probably the most unusual is the fact that I need EVERYTHING in order before I do ANYTHING.  Leaving a towel crooked is probably a good way to make an enemy of me.

What would you eat for your last meal?
This one fluctuates...these days it's mostly turkey dinner including the fixings (gotta have stuffing and homemade cranberry sauce) but sometimes it's a prime rib dinner - and I'm not even a huge meat eater.

What's the last thing you bought?
Besides things for my family, I think it was a pair of hand-crafted earrings.

What is your guiltiest pleasure?
Cake (or pie) for breakfast...or Miss Vicki's Sea Salt & Malt Vinegar chips with sparkling fruit juice...or reading all day.

If you could live anywhere, where would it be and what type of house would you live in?
Easy, a little closer to the Rockies in a log cabin with BIG windows surrounded by the forest and a creek nearby.

And finally...what are all the jobs you've had?
1. Babysitter
2. Fabric shop clerk (summer job)
3. Bakery & Deli clerk (that was a delicious job through high school)
4. Hotel Guest Services / Bookkeeper
5. Gas jockey (while I continued my education)
6. Dental Practice Administrator
7. Real Estate Conveyance
8. Church Business Manager / Financial Administrator
9. Art Program Coordinator

I just received an email from Beth Nicholls in Japan - my story has been published on Do What You Love today.  I feel so fortunate to do what I love and today I spent much of my day hanging a wonderful new exhibit at the library as well as planning sketches for murals.  Today was also the first day I saw the new issue of Cloth Paper Scissors magazine which includes my article on store shelves in town!  Plus I got to spend time with my daughter and her lovely friends.  I couldn't ask for more.

For so long I wished I created art that was more functional...beautiful pottery - using hands and earth to create vessels that would hold the food that would nourish a body or hold a special object; sparkling jewellery - wearable art to adorn every woman, to help them remember their own beauty; lyrical sculptures, to place in parks and public buildings...it all seemed to make much more sense than creating pictures that were just hung on a wall.  When I attended art school I couldn't wait to get into the painting studio but I still wondered about the value of doing this.  Was this really a special gift?  Couldn't anyone do this?  And yet, I kept being drawn to paint.  Specifically to paint on canvas, my favorite ground, as there is something about being connected to fabric, the medium of choice for my mother and grandmother.  Over time I began to trust that instinct, the voice from deep inside my soul, the one that told me to capture stories of my heart in image.  Over time I met the people who lived with my work in their homes...imagine that, in their personal spaces, their own sanctuaries.  And over time I met others who had the opportunity to spend time with my work in public spaces - I absolutely love exhibiting in public facilities such as hospitals, restaurants and, of course, libraries.  I heard the most lovely comments - that they felt safe looking at the work, they wanted to crawl into it, they connected with it at a very deep level.  Many patrons have collected several pieces which is a great, great honour.  And so, I know that I must continue to head the call...this is my 'metier'...my 'heart-knowing'.

P.S.  The lovely bracelet on my wrist was created by the talented and beautiful Cheryl Bakke Martin - one of the women who I am honoured to call 'friend'.

I'm SO excited!!
My copy of 'The Pulse of Mixed Media: Secrets & Passions of 100 Artists Revealed'
has FINALLY arrived...

AND a couple of my deepest, darkest secrets have been printed for all to see (Yikes!)...

So today,
another wet & windy day,
will be spent IN THE STUDIO -
drinking my tea,
working on the painting (yes!),
listening to wonderful music,
and taking those luxurious moments
to revel in the deepest, darkest...and lightest...secrets
of the artists I have had the privilege of working with
and those whom I've admired for some time.

Thank you Seth for including me in this endeavor.

It doesn't happen often but there are times when I avoid my studio...particularly when I feel stuck.  I find it doesn't happen as often when I'm working on several pieces at once, but currently I have only one canvas on the go and it has definitely given me pause - as, I guess, have most of the pieces in this new series.  So, instead I've been knitting dish cloths, cooking & baking (these wonderful Williams-Sonoma Country Rolls and Nestle Tollhouse Chocolate Chip Cookies and delicious macaroni with penne, fresh ham, peas and sauce made with asiago, romano and parmesa cheeses...mmmmmmm...) - and, of course, plenty of reading.  'The Night Circus' is quite beautiful and haunting and I recently completed 'The Birth House' by Amy McKay which was wonderfully written.  Plus I've listened to The Civil Wars over and over and over again.  Musical poetry.  So, last night I brought my canvas up from the studio and placed it on the hearth to look at throughout the evening.  I dreamt about the piece and felt drawn to paint early this morning - it is finally moving forward.  This painting includes a Haida war canoe along with pictographs of warriors and hunters.  Not sure where this will lead but I'm excited.   And now, back to painting so I'll leave you with my book review of 'The Birth House':

The Birth House
by Amy McKay

Though this novel was published a few years ago, and I held it in my hands many, many times, it took me this long to finally read it.  I'm always drawn to books with beautiful covers and this is definitely one of them.  Dora Rare is the protagonist in this one, born with a caul and then studying with an Acadian woman to be a healer and midwife in a time when it was frowned upon as witchcraft though all the towns people took advantage of these gifts.  The story takes place in Nova Scotia around the beginning of World War I when a doctor, backed by an insurance company, arrives to bring 'modern medicine' to the area.  McKay's writing is lyrical and she has certainly done her research on the medicine of the times.  At times funny and poignantly sad, it's a novel about human nature and relationships - I'm thinking I may have to add this one to my collection for a future re-read.

PostScript:  I'll be adding a few paintings in the WHISPERS series that where featured in Cloth, Paper, Scissors to the shop today.

PostPostScript:  I love eating by candlelight - particularly enjoy the scent of vanilla beeswax candles.

It has been absolutely grey and rainy here for days which is the perfect weather for baking (made these yesterday - delicious!).  So, as I wait for dough to rise I take advantage of the time to read.  For the past few days I've been awaiting a few books that were ordered (through both the library and amazon) and because I'm keeping a few books on my shelves as summer reads, I decided to grab something out of my daughter's bookcase.  I always read voraciously and carry books with me whenever I know I might be waiting for some time so I can read almost anything.  This past year I read all the 'Girl with the Dragon Tattoo' series, the 'Outlander' series by Diana Gabaldon (I'm waiting for her to finish book number eight), 'The Hunger Games', 'The Help', along with numerous others including the books I've mentioned here previously, almost anything by Canadian authors (Jane Urquhart, Michael Ondaatje, Margaret Lawrence - 'The Stone Angel' is a favorite, Elizabeth Hay, Joseph Boyden, Carol Shields, Miriam Toews, David Adams Richards, Thomas King, Ann-Marie MacDonald, Gail Anderson-Dargatz, Mary Lawson, Alice Munro, Rohinton Mistry...not Margaret Atwood) and much non-fiction particularly inspirinational writing (books on creativity) and biographies of creative people.  Working at a library eight hours a week doesn't seem like much, but I get so many recommendations from staff and patrons that my reading list is always full.  Beside my bed is a pile that includes 'Before I Go To Sleep' and 'The Night Circus'.  The last book I finished:

When She Woke
by Hillary Jordan

This is an unusual story, set in a dystopian world where a convicted felon's skin color is altered genetically to reflect the crime for which they were convicted.  Though the book is compared to 'The Scarlet Letter', to me it felt almost like an adult version of 'The Hunger Games' as the entire lives of these criminals is publicly displayed on television after they are isolated  and then placed in society to survive on their own.  Hannah, the protagonist of this story, who was raised in a strictly religious environment and taught that this form of punishment was acceptable, learns through her own experience that human life isn't about absolutes.

I know I've shared this TED talk on my old blog a couple of years ago but I really think it's worth sharing again.

Today I began my day by delivering some of these 'whispers' that were featured in the May/June edition of Cloth Paper Scissors magazine to Evanescence Gallery in High River.  It is always such a blessing for me to visit Arlene at the gallery - she is such a beautiful soul.  And the drive through the rolling hills is so heart-filling.  So today has been a busy one, but definitely a pleasant one with great conversation and food and drink, though not quite enough art - I'm glad yesterday was filled with painting.  While I drive I tend to do a lot of reflecting...on my challenges and also on the abundance of all that I have been given.  It seems funny, but one of my favorite things is to sit and think, to reflect...I was labelled a dreamer when I was attending school and I have to say that must be why I paint, because I can dream my days away.  Lately I've given a lot of thought to the future as my eldest daughter is about to graduate and head off to university so it was quite interesting to open the Globe & Mail to read:

"What is your most outrageous dream?  What is the one thing you wish for more than anything else?  It doesn't have to stay beyond your grasp.  You DO have what it takes to make it happen - and now is the perfect time."