I'll be working on this piece today which measures 36"x36" - it's already past this stage...already has the beginnings of a canoe and symbols on it this morning. I also finished ready Gail McMeekin's 'The 12 Secrets of Highly Successful Women' - I'll share a quick overview:
1. Express Your Creative Gifts 2. Get Heart-Focused 3. Heal Your Self-Esteem 4. Learn New Mindsets 5. Design Action Strategies 6. Commit to Your Intuition 7. Craft a Plan That Helps You Grow 8. Short-Circuit Self-Sabotage 9. Let Go & Leap 10. Avoid Female Burnout 11. Nurture Your Mind/Body/Spirit 12. Initiate Transformation As I read through the stories in this book, I realized that we all tend to fall into the same traps. We don't trust ourselves to know what we need (Heart-Focused), feel like we 'owe' everybody but not ourselves (too selfish), and don't always pay attention to the kind of lifestyle that pleases us...I think that is why things such as self-help books, surgery, makeovers, etc have become mainstream. We don't trust ourselves to make the right decisions for us. I don't know why it has taken me 45 years to learn that I like things rustic and simple, always have...inclulding my home and my wardrobe. So why have I felt the need to live in a certain home with certain things in the past? Why was I drawn into stores to purchase items that made me feel better for a day rather than trust that what I truly need and desire will find its way to me when I am ready for it or when it is ready for me? I have also struggled with Female Burnout. I know I need plenty of solitude and silence and yet I have continued to commit to others. But my physical body threw me for a loop last summer - I spent weeks in different medical facilities and finally came to the conclusion that what I was giving up was my health and my soul. Not that those things which I committed to were bad in any way but I wasn't listening to my heart. And now I feel balanced once again. I remembered that my happiest times were when my husband & I lived in the country with only one vehicle and I couldn't go anywhere. Those were the times I meditated, walked, read, and painted and I was so very happy. Those are the times I feel peace and I must not forget that...it's so good for me and good for my family. So, I have to keep in mind that I need plenty of time of stillness, to quiet my mind and listen to my heart. And then all is well. No reacting and over-reacting. Just pure, simple peace. 
I'm currently working on a umiak - an inuit kayak traditionally made with whalebone and seal skin and typically used for hunting. It's a beautiful shape. I want to create a piece about Canada - about how I feel about this country and being Canadian. In a few shapes I feel like I've begun to capture my home with simplicity. Though I grew up in the north and though it took me many, many years to feel connected to the west, I still feel that this country is knitted in my bones. I'm proud to come from where I've come from, I'm proud to call this place home. And I'm grateful to live so close to the Rocky Mountains so that I can experience untouched and unbridled nature regularly. I have learned since beginning this piece that the umiak is often referred to as a 'woman's boat' which is especially meaningful for me as I'm currently learning so many new things with a large group of women. How appropriate.
The other day as I was walking I saw a red-tailed hawk fly over me soaring high with his graceful movements. Typically red-tailed hawks are uncommon in this area until summertime so I felt particularly blessed. More common are the Swainson's hawk, which are just as beautiful. I began to think of the animals, birds in particular, that I connect with - the hawk instead of the eagle, the crow instead of the raven. Is there a reason I connect to the smaller 'cousins'? I believe it is because I am physically smaller, barely reaching 5 foot 2, and because I prefer a smaller life. I love my small home, my small town, my small studio, and my small family (a supportive and beautiful husband and two beautiful girls), and prefer to stay in my area - a perfect vacation for me is a weekend in mountains at Banff, an hour away. I prefer to spend my time alone, painting, writing and reading, though I do enjoy an occasional visit with a creative friend or two. And yet, my work tends to be larger - my favorite size to work is 4 feet x 5 feet and I would love to work larger if I had the facilities. Before SouLodge I began to listen to my heart more and the questions that Pixie has given to us during this time has confirmed thewhispers of the voice inside me even more. Why has this taken 45 years? I know that I don't want to feel any more obligations, no more commitment because I feel I 'should', and no more guilt and excuses, either, for being who I am and for needing what I need. I know I want to be kind but that I sometimes am not - particularly when I am not listening to those inner stirrings, the heart-knowing, my metier, my calling. I am glad to be included with a wonderful community of women in the spring session of SouLodge - glad to hear that I'm not the only one making some big and conscious decisions to change, to accept and love myself the way I am. I'm glad, also, that the work which I've been doing the past two years is really connecting with others - because it is definitely connecting with my soul. I'm glad that I have an autumn exhibit to work towards - this work reaffirms everything in my heart. I am that girl who spent hours walking through the boreal forest and along the cool blue lakes of northern Manitoba, and then more hours reading and drawing and writing in my quiet bedroom at the end of the hall. I'm still here.
La Primavera ~ Evanescence Gallery
April 3 -30 61 - 8 Avenue SE, High River, AB High River, AB 
Yes I'm still here - and still working, and spending this Easter holiday break with my girls. Trips to the coffee shop and art supply stores. Watching 'The Voice' and 'American Idol'...and me not a reality tv girl ;) Tomorrow we'll go to church and cook a turkey and stuffing and cranberry sauce and mashed potatoes and chocolate tarts and, and, and...and we'll be stuffed and grateful to be warm and well-fed and together. We all have good books to read and I know we'll nap. A perfect day for me and mine. I hope you have a perfect day, too.
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