November 29th, 2012

Finally finished!  This chair has been on the back burner for so long and I can't believe I finally finished it...just in time for Christmas ;)  It's once again chilly and overcast in these parts but the hoar frost is absolutely stunning.  While I've been at work on this (as well as a few larger canvases) I've been giving a lot of thought to my personal creative process:

::The pattern always begins the same with a huge amount of energy and positivity while preparing for an exhibit or article or class --- there's a high that comes with this stage, where everything feels new and exciting and I can work almost non-stop and feel giddy with joy.

::Then, there's the exhibit opening or published article or the workshop has been given and I am filled with utter exhaustion which is followed by a huge lack of self-care --- this is when I indulge in junk food just to put something in my stomach, don't consider nourishment at all, including lack of beverages (especially water, which my body is always in desperate need of) --- forutnately, at this time I also rest, something I used to call 'being lazy' (a term coined by my immigrant parents and has always been considered by my family as something very, very bad)...I have come to realize that this physical time of rest is an absolute necessity and allows me to fill my well so I can be creative again.

::After the rest, I am once again filled with abundant energy, the first portion which I give to my family in terms of care of our home and baking/cooking well.  I always love this time.

::And the cycle begins again...they used to be more debilitating where I reached almost a state of clinical depression, which is something that unfortunately is a burden my family history has had to bear, but allowing myself to accept this pattern, the highs as well as the lows, has shortened the curve, both the intensity of the feelings and the duration.

I also keep in mind something I read a long, long time ago and was recently reminded of...that in some tribes if you visit a healer about depression (anxiety / discouragement / etc.), he or she will ask you six questions:

1.  When did you stop dancing?
2.  When did you stop singing?
3.  When did you stop believing?
4.  When did you stop being enchanted by stories?
5.  When did you stop entering the silence?
6.  When did you stop loving?

And the advice is to begin it all once again.